physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
