Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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