I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
