apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize