the condom got lost in my hair
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
