To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
