Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
