I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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