I hate all girls vehemently.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
