It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
