I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
sarcasm needs its own font
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My penis needs a shock collar
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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