you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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