I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
honey bunches of taint.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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