i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
