I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
