Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
