I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
