hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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