I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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