you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
