Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
