I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
