just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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