Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
