There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
