youre lurking in front of me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
