I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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