I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
do nipples grow back?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
