He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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