OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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