I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
