I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
