Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
