Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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