My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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