Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
