Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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