we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
