hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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