i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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