I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize