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just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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