you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i think i just lost a toe
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
