We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
