dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
