you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
