He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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