So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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