my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
