Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
