4 words: hood of his car
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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