Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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