I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
