oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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