Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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