Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
