im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
