Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize