my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
