Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
