Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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