just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
