Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
