then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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