FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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