I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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